Smoke filled the whole room l couldn’t breathe my head throbbed so much l found it hard to focus. What was happening to me was l having a bad dream or was dead .Voices I could herd voices outside so l know one thing l wasn’t dream l knew something was terribly wrong and l had to pull myself together . l was naked and l could feel the blood running down my arm on my whole body was bruised then it all came back to me.
Uncle Mandla had come into my room in the middle of the night and climbed into my little single bed he told me not to scream and even if l did we were alone in the house no one would hear me. l began trembling in fear because this was not the uncle that l knew l had never seen him like this. l leapt out of bed and ran to the door which he had locked. Out of desperation i ran to the window which had burglar bars and l couldn’t squeeze out. He laughed l can still hear his laugh so loud and clear as if he were right there with me. He then descended on me and started beating me insulting me and calling me all kind of names. He tore my clothes of me the more l fought him the harder he punched me l begged him to stop l asked my mother to save me l called them all but no one came because there was no one in the house just this monster that was my uncle. He went on to rape me the pain so much l thought l would surely die and at that moment l wanted to die. When he was done he promised to kill me if l ever told anyone about what happened he told me l was his.
I remember the disgust and disbelief on my parents faces as l told them what my uncle had done. My father actually beat me up with a belt on top of the beating l had already received during my ordeal. My mother called me a whore she said ever since l hit puberty she could see my head was filled with lust. Mandla had called them and told them he found me sleeping with my boyfriend and he beat us up and chased my so called boyfriend away. l could believe it how could my parents believe him over me they were supposed to protect me and believe not someone else. They treated me like in was the scum of the earth insulted me every day and he continued having his way with me every time he could. My once perfect life became a living nightmare l ran away from home then and decided l would rather be paid for my services rather than be used by someone l had looked up to.
At 12 was an orphan with parents, they chose not to believe me when i needed them the most when my life and dreams my innocence and childhood was shattered by a trusted individual. As l grew older in the trade l was a frequent visitor at Greys police station l would watch as men paid their way out of sticking situations for hideous crimes they had committed. What happened to law officers that never covered up crime? What happened to the men that protected their families from harm? What happened to the mothers that held their daughters in their arms in any situation and fought for them, protected them? What happened to the communities protecting the innocence of all the children regardless of whose children they where? What happened to the government that cared about the welfare of its population?
The voices grew louder and clearer it was the neighbourhood ladies. They had come in when l was about to leave for my shift and told me they were sick and tired of me stealing their husbands they had given me a sound beating and l must have passed out. That explained why l felt sore and the blood but what about the again just like Mandla had done before l felt at peace l was going to die and be free from the pain. Then it dawned on me that they had decided to burn me to death in this little shabby backroom got up from where l was lying and dragged myself to the door it was locked and wouldn’t give l didn’t bother with the match box window .l was trapped just like l had been all those years ago with Mandla l wasn’t going to fight this time l was tired of the coldness of the living surely l would be better off dead.