I choose to be vulnerable in your arms. to expose myself in your eyes and dispose of myself when needed, not because I am weak but because its in my nurture to give off myself. I am a fountain of many endless gifts from a Demi goddess who seems to have all your life problems on her shoulder and making them go away, to a slave who humbly submits to your will. With my smoothing words I tell you it will be okay but your response is a blow to my self esteem implying that I am the cause of your problems. If it was not for this precious life I carry or me being around…maybe…maybe it would be one less mouth for you to feed. I know deep down you don t mean it , its just the frustration speaking so i choose to let you beat me down and use me as a punching bag.
I am Needy. I am needy in sense that for me to be this strong pillar of strength i need you to be my support. Day in day out you chip away and I feel myself lose this strength, lose this purpose, This purpose that i used to hold on to so dearly. I’ve lost my identity …i used to have the choice to be vulnerable in your arms, to dispose myself when needed but now you have taken that away from me . You have taken away my will to give and I do not know who i am anymore.
THOUGHTS OF A BLACK PREGNANT GIRL….to be continued