I choose to be vulnerable in your arms. to expose myself in your eyes and dispose of myself when needed, not because I am weak but because its in my nurture to give off myself. I am a fountain of many endless gifts from a Demi goddess who seems to have all your life problems on her shoulder and making them go away, to a slave who humbly submits to your will. With my smoothing words I tell you it will be okay but your response is a blow to my self esteem implying that I am the cause of your problems. If it was not for this precious life I carry or me being around…maybe…maybe it would be one less mouth for you to feed. I know deep down you don t mean it , its just the frustration speaking so i choose to let you beat me down and use me as a punching bag.
I am Needy. I am needy in sense that for me to be this strong pillar of strength i need you to be my support. Day in day out you chip away and I feel myself lose this strength, lose this purpose, This purpose that i used to hold on to so dearly. I’ve lost my identity …i used to have the choice to be vulnerable in your arms, to dispose myself when needed but now you have taken that away from me . You have taken away my will to give and I do not know who i am anymore.
THOUGHTS OF A BLACK PREGNANT GIRL….to be continued
We must not only write what we know.
via Writing and identity — Idiot Joy Showland
Okay so I have been contemplating writing this blog because had a lot going through my mind in the past week.
So Pain right. You know Pain is actually not a bad thing. Had a conversation last night with one of my old friends and he told me a really funny but a bit heart breaking story of how his ex just left him without explaining herself. It was one of those “Oh babe i need space situations” at first he says he was so angry and did not understand why she would ask for that i mean things seemed solid but a year later he says he has realized what she actually meant by space.
well this might not apply to you but i feel most people actually end up in the same situations because they probably do the same mistakes.
- Your partner is their own person – they have / had their own life before yo came and its just a matter of them adjust their life to fit you in it. you can not expect a 360 turn just because you are now in a someone’s life. Honestly it takes so much time to adjust and adapt to people. you need to consider how they lived their life before you and find a balance.
- Time management- okay this a tricky one. he said that he used to spend time with his ex but it wasn’t the right time. Yes it might look like you spending a lot of time with your partner but if that time means its her accompanying you to do your business, to meet your friend and never actually doing anything that they want actually do with you then I am sorry to say you actually not giving them time
- Goals- Exaggerated goals and promises. words are a powerful tool and please people do not exaggerate things, If you know you can not do something of fulfill a promise do not make it. I know we all trying to impress each other but personally i feel that the more promises you make the more the burden you have to carry. You are just setting impossible expectations for yourself and when you do not pull through you actually kinda feel like crap which then can generate major low self esteem issues. And that is a little bag which comes with little tiny annoying problems.
- Mind reading- I am actually guilty of this. I always expect people to read my mind but LISTEN PEOPLE unless your partner is psychic please do not expect them to read your mind. Say how you feel and when you feeling it. Might seem hard and terribly embarrassing sometimes but they will truly appreciate it. (Unless they are they a self centered human who think whatever you say is a an attack to their character )
Anyway its been really interesting writing this blog. I have so much to say but then again don’t we all. So next time someone says they need space maybe take a long analysis at those four. There is probably a lot more reasons why your partner would ask for “Space” but yep those are the four I picked up.
Okay I am hungry now so will probably go grab a sandwich. see you in the next post.